kitten roar.

just to update you guys, my kitty passed monday morning around 4. 

we’re still coping.

i am seriously so beside myself. 

how can a cat be just a year old, and be dying? he was fine just last week. just last week he was running, jumping around, chasing his sister, eating loads of food. then this week…he just stopped eating and lost all of his energy and now he has an expiration date.

for the past four days, i have just been waiting for him to get better. now i am just waiting for him to die. 

i have never seen chris so upset in my life. he has been crying all day, to the point where he is having panic attacks, fits of hysteria, and puking. 

it just sucks. i have been trying to be strong since chris is so upset, but ugh. i don’t want to have to say good bye to my little buddy :(

our cat, oliver, has leukemia. this is a total shock to both christopher and i. i have been crying since the moment i found out, and chris has been crying since he took him to the vet his morning. 

he has to be put down on monday.

i am beyond heartbroken… we have not even had him for over a year.

i am finally done with school for the summer (with the exception of a few last questions on our take-home final exam.)

now, i can focus on working, focus on being excited about my new job position and the things i will be learning in the upcoming months. i have got some really great opportunities thrown at me, and i’m just excited to have the time to grasp them now. i will have the time and money to check out some restaurants, do some shopping, spend some major time at the beach, read on my rooftop, see some friends, etc. 

holla, summer ‘11! now if only my cat would feel better, i would feel better. he somehow got mites…and then an ear infection from scratching them..and then a skin infection from scratching himself so much. he still isn’t eating or drinking, but his wound is healing and he’s not shaking his head or scratching. we also have been giving him water through a syringe, as well as food mixed with water. we also managed to get him to take one of his necessary pills this morning, so that was also relieving.

i think of fall at my parent’s house when i was a child. the smell of burning leaves from the backyard mingled with the scent of perpetually burning Yankee Candles. Cinnamon stick. Mulberry. Vanilla Cake. 

The house was always dim, burning gold from the lamps and lights and it was always warm. Warm from the heaters. Warm from the fleece blankets and flannel sheets I was tucked into. Warm from freshly baked sugar and oatmeal raisin cookies. Warm from chicken and rice…broccoli soup…meatballs…pierogies. 

Lust: A personal sexual story.

Pride: Something that I like about myself.

Sloth: Something that I dislike about myself.

Envy: Something I wish I was better at.

Gluttony: One of my favorite foods.

Wrath: Something that gets me angry.

Greed: Something I can’t get enough of.

http://kittenroar.tumblr.com/ask !

i feel like my degree is going to be a waste.

i love working at a bakery way too much.

Lately I have been thinking about committing myself to some more things. I always feel so awesome when I tell people that Chris and I have been together for a year and seven months. And I like having that commitment between the two of us. Knowing that I have that year and a half bond behind us to fall back on and keep building to make us stronger. 

I’ve been thinking of quitting drinking. I don’t want to take on the title of being “straight edge” because I can’t promise myself I will never drink again. I am not a heavy drinker by ANY means, but it seems when I DO drink, I over do it, and always regret it. My buzz feels good, and then I want more so I end up drinking more, and by the end of just one more drink, I am drunk and I hate the way it feels. I hate not being able to see straight, I hate constantly feeling like I have to pee, I hate how I can’t talk straight, and I hate how I always end up crying over something. 

I just need to cut myself off, and I know for the time being I can keep myself from drinking. At this point: i feel like I have quit smoking, I can stay away from drinking for a little while.

godandmisery:

Chicago,

I wish I had someone who would ride with me after midnight on nice nights. It would be so fun to be riding empty streets with good conversations and laughs. Join me?

girl, let’s work on this sometime. chris and i go on night bike rides every now and then and i feel like i am on top of the world. like we rule the streets. it’s awesome.

i’m so tired and my stomach is eating itself.

also, i need to clean.

wah wah wah.

i also gained like 10 pounds while i was home. way too much good food.

deuces chicago & computer. i’m leaving you behind.

on another note, i bought a totally cute new outfit for my sister’s graduation ceremony. i’m extremely thrilled because i have had my eye on the top for a few weeks. however, last time i tried it on, my fat ass couldn’t fit into it. after working out and counting dem calories, i am able to fit in the shirt and look totally adorable. hallelujah.

• Shower
• Go to the bakery & pick up my pay check/visit.
• Deposit my paycheck.
• Go downtown to locate: a dress, shirt & pants for Christopher.
• Find a place to print our flight itinerary. 
• Figure out what the hell to get my sister for a graduation present.
• Swing by Crate & Barrel for my mother’s belated Mother’s Day gift.
• Gather laundry.
• Wash laundry
• Do the dishes.
• Buy cat litter and cat food.
• Call Chris’ job to see if he can acquire paycheck this evening.
• Vacuum.
• Pack bags. 

AKA: Too much stuff, as it takes for freaking ever to get around and do stuff in this city.